I’m all about winter—I like tossing snowballs down my kids’ pants when they’re being fresh, or driving around with six inches of snow on the roof of my car and watching it fly off in the rearview mirror because it’s kind of cool and I’ve seen so many other idiots do it. Yes, please. But... Continue Reading →
The morning I left to visit my sister, I was busy packing, stashing my kids with various neighbors, and scribbling notes for my husband that he would have preferred to find in a neatly typed email. I had five errands to run in town before I met up with my taxi driver, who insisted I... Continue Reading →
When our first snow fell last month, I knew it had been ages since I’d filled a plastic bag with frozen dog turds—those palm-sized anal asteroids that I dig from the flattened, cratered grass with my fingernails. I watched anyway as my kids scrambled outside to make an igloo in two centimeters of snow. Maybe... Continue Reading →
My sister gave birth to her first baby last week. Hours later, when we finally connected by phone, I was the one who sniveled, my tears plopping into the bathwater where my children crouched, targeting each other with rubber Cyclopes—bath squirters that mostly eject damp folioles of black mildew from their eyes. My toddler aimed.... Continue Reading →
One morning last fall, I dragged my toddler across the kitchen floor while he gripped fistfuls of my pants—he pulled them halfway down my thighs before I peeled him off like a tick. “Mom! Your underwear is showing again!” my Kindergartener yelled helpfully. It was a rough week. Then my parents arrived for a long... Continue Reading →
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